Word Vomit

Word Vomit. It's gross. It's messy. It causes a chain reaction of more word vomit.

Over the last 11 months, I have been working my butt off not only being a mother and a wife, but a provider for my family. I have been trying to build up my photography business for the last two years, but something has always gotten in my way.

I actually started studying photography when I was in Junior High. I tried to get into photography courses when I attended Ricks College, but as my major was Elementary Education and not photography, I was not allowed to take any further courses. A few years ago, all of a sudden, we had the money to invest in a decent camera that came with a couple different lenses. Even then, I swore I wasn't going to get back into photography. Well, within a year of purchasing our new camera, the world of photography called and obviously, I answered. Almost twelve years after I started, I found myself back at the beginning. Learn new equipment. Learn new programs. Find my market. Actually market to my market.

I never Ever claim to be the best of the best. Only a mediocre person is ALWAYS at their best. I find myself constantly learning, constantly striving to do better, striving to be better.

I do however, claim to try my best. And darn it if I don't think I am pretty good at what I do! Now, as we have all noted, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so you may think my work looks like total crap. Whatever the verdict, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And here is where we get into the meat of the whole matter. Opinions.

Opinions are sometimes better left unsaid. From good to bad, I have many opinions floating around in my head at any given moment. Unless absolutely necessary, I try to keep the harshest of those under control.

Now, back to where I was a second ago... I have been working my butt off lately. Even quite literally working it off, not that I am complaining about that. However, I have been working two jobs, one of which was my own photography business, and trying to be wife and mother all at once. Now, I know at times we have had to opt out of doing some fun stuff because I was working or we just plain didn't have enough money to join in, but we did manage to attend weddings, birthday's and the occasional get together despite the lack of transportation or funds. Quite simply put, because friends and family are what help me make it through the tough times.

So, it really does pain me when dear friends can't find the time to fit me in. It especially pains me when they (even inadvertently) give me the cold shoulder. Even worse, when I feel like they are belittling me. Recently, much has been said about photography, art, business, style and preference.

I think I have a somewhat savvy business head about me (having been my second major), and obviously what I have been doing works for me. With the Lord's help, we have managed to pay every bill on time and in full for the entire year, despite Cory being unemployed for 7 out of the last 11 months. I realize I could probably be making more money if I charged more price wise, but then I would also lose the majority of the market of people out there who just can't afford hundreds of dollars for a photographer and prints of a simple family sitting. I know if I didn't do photography and had to find someone to do pictures of my family, I sure as heck wouldn't be able to afford it! So, I try to make my products available to the every day joe schmo who wants a professional photographer and not some cold, impersonal portrait studio that simply cannot offer what I can offer.

Quality comes in many forms:
Quality is not just a $5000+ camera with lenses that run upwards of $1-3K each. Granted, you can sure make some kick ass prints and get superior photographic quality... if you know what you are doing. I get just as annoyed with people who own amazing equipment but don't know what the hell they are doing with it as I do with the people who own point and shoot cameras that advertise to shoot entire weddings for $50. Plain and simple, unless you are family or an extremely dear friend, you sure as heck ain't getting your wedding done for $50... not by me at least! But there's the rub. I have to find a way to compete with the "90% of the photographers around here who prostitute their time and talents for $50.00 per photo shoot". Because, unfortunately, not everyone is as concerned with quality as they are with cost.

Even at a more expensive price, many of us have encountered people who claim to be what they are not. I think I do just as good with my "kit lenses", as some others do with their expensive lenses. If a picture is not in focus, it's because the photographer did not do their job correctly, not because the lens didn't do it's job. As a professional photographer, if there is something wrong with the picture, it is because I screwed up, not my camera. I would absolutely LOVE to get that one perfect snap. I admit, I am not there yet, nor will I be for probably a very long time to come, if ever. Why would I say that? Because I believe most of us are our harshest critics. Even when I know a picture is good, I also know it could be so much better.

Back to those "kit lenses" of mine. They have served their purpose extremely well. Hopefully, we will be investing in a better camera this next year, along with a lens or two, and an official business license (yes, business has been as good as all that). I don't believe my family should go hungry just because I felt I had to have the best of the best all at once. It is sad, because I have had, and currently have family who believes they just deserve the best and so despite the cost financially or the cost physically and mentally, they sacrifice everything they have for that moment of happiness. I was raised to work hard for what I want. Sometimes that means I don't get what I want for years and years. In this case, over ten years. But Cory and I have both worked hard, and fought hard, and I at least, think we have earned a little respect.

Now, back to that word vomit. Like I said, it's just gross. Sometimes it comes up on purpose, and sometimes it comes up on accident, but either way, when it comes out the only way of getting rid of it is to get down and dirty and clean it up yourself. Family is still family, and friends are still friends. If I didn't love you and appreciate you, I wouldn't hang around wondering where life will take us next. I rejoice in your successes, even if I find that my success has fallen short of my hopes. I only wish we could all do the same for each other. We've all had our moments where we've said something to someone and given offense even where none was meant. I think all we can ever do is pick up the broken pieces and just start again. Life is beautiful because of all it's twists and turns, even if the current circumstances appear to be ugly. You will never know what the tapestry of your life will look like until you look back upon it and can see what each stitch has created.

If all the losses I have endured this year have taught me anything, it is that you must treasure the people that mean the most to you, because you never know when you will not have them anymore. Love them. Appreciate them. Be happy for them. If forgiveness is genuinely sought, then freely give of it. Most of all, just be respectful. We are all entitled to our own opinion, but it can always be done with respect.